Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
