i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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