I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize