I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
