Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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