he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
