Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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