Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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