Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
