I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
