what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
