no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
