I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
