So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
