eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
