6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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