im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
What a dumb baby whore.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
