he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
