I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
There are leaves in my underwear?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
