We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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