This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
