I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
