so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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