just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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