Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
