I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
