Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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