It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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