foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
