I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
