Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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