Where is the hickey?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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