i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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