like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
