remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
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