Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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