i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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