My first STD was from a foam party
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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