i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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