Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
false alarm. still invincible.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
