Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
