life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
