thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
