Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Im part way to drunk.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
