Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
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