I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
