I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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