Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He better not be in your backpack
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
