He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
