watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
