just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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