I want to walk on stilts...naked
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize