I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize