We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
