Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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