ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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