Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
