I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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