Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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