I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Floor bacon is actually really good
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
