Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
