I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
