don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
