I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
