Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
