He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
