dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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